You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
