My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
