how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
