fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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