My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Randomize
