playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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