The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
