His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
