Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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