No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Drake has all the answers
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
