they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize