Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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