Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
