He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
