true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
