I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
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Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
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You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
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