I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
