so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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