If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
