So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
