This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
