Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
