It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
