No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
handjob tips. give me some.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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