my soul wont recognize me after tonight
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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