this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
