i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
