just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
