It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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