so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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