I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
