I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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