4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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