He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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