I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
