he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
