i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
