i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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