he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
dude. I can hear the air.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
