I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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