need another drink. this is the easiest way
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
