you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Randomize
