This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
