can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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