Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Be still, my beating vagina.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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