well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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