He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though