I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.