Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
