obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
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my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
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I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.