Texts From Last Night

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  (352): View more from Florida

  Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.

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  (352): Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself. http://tfl.nu/hxa2
  Replies (5) Good night (2244) Bad night (740)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies

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  (609): not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies http://tfl.nu/jxw6
  Replies (15) Good night (1387) Bad night (2948)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.

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  (479): I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary. http://tfl.nu/vju6
  Replies (25) Good night (1312) Bad night (4846)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.

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  (203): So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off. http://tfl.nu/cdqo
  Replies (10) Good night (5165) Bad night (934)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.

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  (919): I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could. http://tfl.nu/sgrh
  Replies (7) Good night (4221) Bad night (1098)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again

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  (678): Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again http://tfl.nu/8daz
  Replies (14) Good night (3179) Bad night (2229)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.

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  (508): merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash. http://tfl.nu/86x1
  Replies (5) Good night (651) Bad night (2105)
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  (315): View more from New York

  I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.

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  (315): I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down. http://tfl.nu/7l46
  Replies (5) Good night (1319) Bad night (621)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...

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  (240): She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room... http://tfl.nu/pp22
  Replies (2) Good night (702) Bad night (1099)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.

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  (530): red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song. http://tfl.nu/0nv8
  Replies (10) Good night (2253) Bad night (749)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success

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  (505): Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success http://tfl.nu/y0qf
  Replies (0) Good night (1192) Bad night (394)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.

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  (256): No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you. http://tfl.nu/nxd6
  Replies (3) Good night (932) Bad night (332)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.

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  (701): I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here. http://tfl.nu/4omy
  Replies (1) Good night (484) Bad night (323)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.

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  (949): We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years. http://tfl.nu/m9m6
  Replies (12) Good night (1000) Bad night (611)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.

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  (307): You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits. http://tfl.nu/1y4s
  Replies (2) Good night (170) Bad night (526)

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