I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.