I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
