I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
