I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
