i'm signing you up for texting rehab
its not stalking. its research.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
