does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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