i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize