If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
