btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
