took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
