I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter