I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
