i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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