True but thats because hes a fetus.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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