I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
