Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
