My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
sex in a hospital.. check
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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