I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Dick very happy bro
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
