I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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